Part 3: Ibrahim Aydan

Right after i was wheel out of the OT area, my husband and mil was waiting for me.

The first thing i said to him was: "Is our son okay?"

Huhu

Leman terus tunjuk gambar baby yg dia amik curi2 dlm Incubator.

Huhu.

Melts my heart.

And also my pain away!

Kahkahkah.

Yg second to tipu.

Bapak ah sakit luka czer tu. Extra sakit sbb aku ade procedure2 lain:

1) Asingkan "sawang2" yg dah melekat antara fibroid dan usus

2) Potong kulit perut sampai ke uterus utk kuarkan baby

3) Myectomy = buang fibroid

4) Bukak jahitan cerclage

By the time sampai ward aku rase dah grogy gila. But i tried to fight the feeling.

Mission aku mase tu satu je.

Nak cepat2 bgn so that aku boleh turun NICU tgk baby. Huhu.

Kalau ikutkan sakit, nak jek aku baring 2-3 hari. 

Mase doctor datang follow up, dia tanya,

Doctor: Do you feel like walking tomorrow? Maybe tomorrow evening you can try walking (48 hours post ops).

Me: No doctor. Can i try walking later this evening? (24 hours post ops)

So despite the "BAPAK-punye-sakit" kind of pain, i forced my self up.

Before i can start TRYING to stand up and walk, the nurses bukak dulu 2 tube yg discharged darah kotor tu.

2 nurses came to me..

Nurse: Kita nak cabut tube ni ye. Puan nak pain killer tak? Ke puan boleh tahan sakit?

Me: How much is the pain threshold.

Nurse: Ade patient cakap sangat sakit.

*mangkuk hayun! Kalau dah gitu ape payah tanya2 aku lagik kan. Bagik jek la pain killer. Huhu*

So nurse pon bagi pain killer (cucuk kat bontot).

Lepas tu aku nampak dia kuar razor.

Harus aku cuak.

Me: Emm.. What is that for?

Nurse: owh, dun worry. This is to open the stitch.

T______T

Rupanya botol discharge darah kotor tu ade jahit sikit sbb dia kuar ikut lubang kecik yg ditebuk kat tepi perut. 

Mase nurse bukak plaster besar luka czer --> i can stand the pain (mase ni tak amik pain killer lagi)

Mase nurse bukak jahit pakai razor --> lebih takut daripada sakit

Mase nurse tarik tube --> Serious rasa nak mati. sakit nak mampos ok tak tipu. I can feel the tube menjalar dari dalam. dah tarik hembus nafas berkali2 pon tak abes kuar lagik. Nangesssss..

Itu dah amik pain killer sakit camtu. Kalau tak amik tadi tatau la, memang saja tau nurse tu nak ranjau aku. Pffttt!

Sebab nak cabut tube ni dah sakit sangat..

Mase nurse dtg nak cabut tube kencing tu aku dah phobia gila.

Tapi surprisingly yg tu tak sakit plak. (Mase time buat cerclage dulu yg tu pon sakit jugak)

Long story short..

Lepas dah bangun and try pegi toilet..

After about 24 hours post ops, Leman pon tolak aku turun NICU (actually baby dlm Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU). tapi NiCU ngan SCBU tu sama je tempat and nurses nya. Cuma case dan harga je yg membezakan. Hehe. Kalau kat TMC, NICU satu malam RM388, tapi SCBU baru RM190 lebih kurang.

Happy sgt dapat tgk baby Ibrahim.

Walaupon ikut perasaan nak meleleh je air mata mase tu, tapi aku kuatkan jugak hati.

Sebab takleh la nak tunjuk sedih2 depan baby kan.

Mase hari ketiga, pagi tu kitaorg turun tgk dia dah kuar incubator. Tapi still ade oxygen kat tepi dia.

That was the first time mummy dapat dukung dia. Sgt happy my baby dah "graduate" from incubator.

Sekali turun petang tu, baby kena masuk incubator balik sbb dia still takleh regulate oxygen dia everytime lepas feeding. On top of that diorang masukkan sekali feeding tube kat mulut. Sob sob sob.

Sepanjang baby Ibrahim kat dlm incubator,

Tah berapa kali aku break down.

Once dia dah masuk incubator balik takleh sesukati hati nak pegang dia.

Sebab doctor nak minimize any risk of infection.

So hari demi hari kitaorg turun dpt pegang2 tangan dia je sekejap2.

Sedihhhhh sgt mase tu everytime aku nak naik ward aku balik.

Susah hati tu korang takpayah cerita la. confirm la susah hati punya.

Cuma depan baby tak tunjuk.

Biasanya bila malam je aku breakdown lepas tengok baby.

Seb baik tak meroyan. Huhu.

Since baby still dlm SCBU, aku pon duduk la dalam ward jugak sbb nak tunggua discharge skali ngan baby. Bagus jugak sbb dpt la aku berehat nak baikkan luka czer tu kan. Every few hours kitaorg turun tgk baby. Orang lain takleh masuk area tu kecuali parents.

Physical pain i can still endure.

But emotional pain really gets to me.

Sepanjang pregnant dengan complication after complication, sikit je aku nanges. Tapi sepanjang tgk baby dlm ni, ade la selang sehari aku nanges kot. (Takley nanges selalu sgt sbb kena marah ngan leman nanti. Huhu)

Me: *sobbing after visiting Ibrahim one night. Mase tu sedih sgt tgk dia muntah susu siap kuar dari mulut and hidung lagik during his tube feeding. I only made it as far as the ICU door before i start sobbing*

Leman: Jgn la nanges sayang. ibrahim okay la. dia nak sihat dah tu.

Me: sayang sedeyyyyy.. Sayang stress tgk dia dalam tu. pehtu tadi teringat2 dia muntah. And i wanna hold my babyyyyyyy... Uuuwwwwaaaaa...

Leman: alaaa.. Nanti dia dah balik rumah you pegang la dia 24 jam sehari pon :p. Dah jgn nanges2.

Huhuhu. Thank Allah i got a really strong support from my husband, family and friend.

And baby Ibrahim is such a tough fighter, mase muntah tu sikit dia tak nanges. (Mak dia yg tolong nangeskan. Hehe) 

Sepanjang dlm incubator pon dia jarang sgt nanges, kecuali kalau lapa je.

Ade beberapa kali dia "pancut" dlm incubator so nurses to bagi la iols pegang dia sekejap sementara diorang cuci and tukar semua cadar dlm incubator. Hahaha. 

So these are our stolen moments.

Me holding him tight and him holding my fingers tight. Mana la tak cair kan.

To cut an even longer story,

Finally it's time for us to bring him home.

10 days kitaorg anak beranak berkampong kat sepital ni.

Ibrahim dlm SCBU and kitaorg dlm ward.

Leman sahur bukak puasa tido semua kat ward jugak. Hehe.

Hari balik tu..

Lepas dah pakaikan baju "coming home" ibrahim, dia muntah susu kena baju.

So tukarkan la baju spare dia.

Sementara nak settle bill, dia muntah lagik sekali.

Baju spare lain semua dah angkut masuk kereta tak kuasa nak amik.

So on the day we bring our precious baby home..

Dia tak pakai baju pon! Hahahahaha

Welcome to the world my little one.

Below is one of my favourite picture of him mase dlm incubator. Susah sgt nak tgk dia bukak mata sebenarnya. :)

Part 2: The birthing story

...

Doctor terus call OT untuk booked for my coming c-sec ops later.

On top of the normal c-sec procedure, I am undergoing a few other procedures as well.

Dah alang2 menoreh perut kan, might as well kita kasik service baik punya. Hahaha

** No. I did not get a liposuction nor a tummy tuck. Not even a gastric bypass :p **

Lepas tu Doctor dgn calm and cool nya comfort aku;

Doctor kesayanganku: You don't worry Zarina. Everything will be fine. I promise you, you will take home a normal healthy baby okay.

Dot:  (InsyaAllah ) Ok doctor.

Doctor: See you later

So  kitaorg pon terus turun pegi admission utk check in ward (wahh.. check in gituh.. macam nak check in hotel pegi holiday kan.. hehe)..

Mase tgh tunggu turn tu, Leman bole plak buat lawak..
Mase client dia call..

Leman: "I'm sorry. we have to reschedule our meeting. My wife is getting birth!"

Kahkahkahkah..
2-3 kali dia ulang sampai la aku cakap.. "Husband.. I'm GIVING birth lah. Bukan getting birth!"
Hahahha.. Baru la client dia paham. Mesti client dia confuse gila apehal mamat nih nak booking baby utk buat bini ke.. hehehe..
So nampak sgt Leman pon neves tapi dia tanak tunjuk..
Kata husband kan so kena la maintain macho kan..

Ikutkan aku..
Aku tanak cakap ngan sesapa pon aku dah nak beranak..
Sampai la dah selamar bersalin .. (confident jek selamat kan.. Huhuhu)..
Tapi Leman kata jangan.. At least mesti bagitau Abah and parents dia..

So aku pon tepon la abah..
Aku kalau emosi tgh kacau.. masih boleh buat2 strong selagi tak dgr suara abah..
Tapi kalau dgr je suara abah mula la aku goyah tau.. Huhu..
So bila dah goyah mula la start mainan perasaan aku.. huhuh.. Sama jugak mase bercakap ngan in laws..

By the time settle masuk ward semua.. Leman pon balik umah sekejap tukar baju and amik hospital bags.. seb baik la umah ngan sepital 5 minit jek kan.. balik naik beskal pon boleh.. hehe..

Aku plak duduk jek melangut sensorang..
Mase nih aku malas nak overthink dah..
Just berdoa and tawakal both me and baby will make it..
Aku baca kisah bersalin org lain ade yg sempat baca quran semua tgh2 sakit tuh..
Aku rase aku ingat lagik nak baca ayat kursi dah bagus.. Huhu.. Kalau aku cuba baca quran confirm tajwid semua kelaut.. elok2 aku nak dapat pahala dapat dosa kang,, Huhu..

Nak dekat pukul 2 pm..
Nurse pon datang bawak cukur ngan ubat bontot..
Huhuhu..
Ni semua Leman punya salah.. I knew I shud have cukur bersih sebelom datang tadik tau.. Tapi dia confident jek anak dia tak kuar hari nih.. Huhuh.. Merasa bercukur ngan cukur sepital yg tak best langsung tuh.. (i opted to do it myself tho :P)

Pehtu dia masukkan ubat montot plak..
Due to this pregnancy, masuk 3rd trimester aku dapat buasir plak.. huhuhuhu.. Nanges..
So aku gabra jek mase tgh panjang muncung ubat yg nak kena masuk kat montot tuh.. *gulp*
Aku ingat kan macam pill kaedah nye.. Rupanya macam air sebotol.. Macam ade straw kat ujung..
hahhahaha.. Bodo nya description kan..

Yang pasti.. Lepas nurse dah masukkan ubat..
Dia cakap tunggu 5-10 minit..
Sebab aku dah baca experience orang lain, aku tau takkan sampai punye 10 minit..
Tapi tak sangka plak tak sampai 10 saat! Hahahhaha..

Seb baik tak tercirit atas katil youols :P
Tapi lepas tuh..
KELEGAAN tahap maksimum..
*next time kalau aku sembelit aku  nak mintak ubat nih jek la.. hahaha*
Rase macam KOSONG usus besar aku..

Then, tetiba dah pukul 2pm..

Aku pon naik wheelcha pegi Operation Theatre..
Leman teman sampai depan pintu depan OT..
Lepas tuh aku kena masuk sendiri dulu sebab Leman kena tukar baju OT and dia akan masuk kemudian..

Remember my cerclage story..
So rase macam dejavu plak..
Cuma kali nih doctor bius aku Dr. Naveen.. Hensem sangat ok (eh.. sempat lagik tuh.. hahaha)..

Lepas Dr. bius masukkan ubat spinal (lebih kurang macam epidural but not exactly the same)..
Aku pon baring..

Sebelom tuh Dr. bius siap cakap (as part of requirement) risiko2 ubat bius..

Dr. bius: "Some people does not response so well with spinal anesthetic"
Dot: "Meaning what doctor?"
Dr. bius: "Meaning they can still feel the sensation of being cut"
Dot: "Okay.. Takut! So if that happens what do we do doctor?"
Dr. bius: "We will immediately put you under (kasik pengsan) cause we dont want you to suffer ok.
Dot: 

Seb baik lah aku tak termasuk dalam statistic yg "does not respon so well" tu.. Huhuhu..
So lepas spinal take effect..
Tetiba aku rase nak muntah plak dah.. Plus mengigil2 (mengigil nih aku expect sbb mase cerclage pon macam tuh jugak).. Tapi rase nak muntah tu aku tak expect sbb dah la puasa since malam tadik kan..

Aku pon cakap ngan doctor bius aku nak muntah..
Dia tanya sikit2 ke teruk..
Aku jawap.. "boleh tahan la teruk nya".. Kira dah tahap lepas tu aku nak mintak plastic dah nih..
Seb baik sebelom sempat aku muntah atas muka sendiri doctor bius inject something terus ilang rase nak muntah aku.. Huhuh..

pehtu Doctor Dev pon masuk..
Dia datang kat muka aku pehtu senyum..
"Okay Zarina. We're gonna start now.. Don't worry okay, I'll  make sure both you and your baby will be allright"..

Pehtu dia pon toreh perut aku..

Aku plak pikir..
Maneeee Leman nih??

Tak lama lepas tuh Leman pon masuk terus datang duduk kat area muka aku.. hehehe..
Aku suh tengok operation tuh dia tanak.. Dia kata takpe dia nak teman aku.. hahhaha..
Takut ler tuh.. (err.. kalau aku pon takut kot tak teringin nak tengok perut orang kena toreh!)

[Leman cerita mase dia masuk tuh nampak merah (darah) jek.. and doctor tgh tekun membelah perut.. hahahah.. Terus dia pegi kat area kepala aku. Hahaha..]

Aku rase ade 30 minit kot Doctor menggodek2 perut aku.. Baby nya tak kuar2 jugak..
Aku mula cuak dah.. Sebab aku baca patut nya within 5-10 minutes dah kuar dah baby.. Yg lama tu nanti untuk menjahit balik perut tuh..

Tapi sebab aku ade byk complication kan.. Even before Doctor kuarkan baby, dia kena "asingkan" fibroid aku yg dah melekat2 ngan usus.. before he can actually see where to cut to take out the baby..

Lepas 30 minit.. Doctor cakap..

Doctor Dev:" Okay Zarina.. get ready.. Look up!"
Dot:

And that's when I first saw my baby..
So putih and berdarah2.. fresh from the oven.. Huhu..

And without warning air mata aku pon jatuh berjurai2..
Sebakkkkkk sangat2 mase tuh..
Macam tak percaya pon ade..
Especially bila dengar baby nanges..

Leman kat tepi tolong lap air mata aku yg tak berenti renti..
Baby plak kat "station" tepi OT table aku sbb dia kan premature..
So team paeditricion busy access dia okay ke tak..

I've been preparing myself mentally since aku tau aku maybe kena beranak awal..
But when the actual day is here.. aku cuak gila memikir kan pasal baby.. huhuhu..

Bila diorang dah wrap baby elok2.. diorang bawak baby utk aku cium..\
So aku sempat cium baby sekali jek..
Lepas tuh diorang bagi pada Leman untuk azan..
Then terus bawak baby ke NICU..
Sebab baby premature selalu nya difficulty breathing..

Given the circumstances, we're still very much bersyukur sebab baby at least made it up to 35 weeks..
Itu pon kadang2 aku stress and sedih bila sesetangah orang asek cakap.. "Biasa nya baby kalau awal better 7 bulan jangan 8 bulan.. 7 bulan boleh survive tapi kalau 8 bulan tak boleh!"

Bullshit!
Doctor sendiri confirmkan kalau premature baby, lagik dekat usia baby to it's actual delivery date = lagik bagus.. cause the baby ade lebih mase utk develop dalam rahim..

But still dgn mainan perasaan yg tak menentu tu.. cakap2 macam tuh adelah langsung tidak membantu kan.. That's why mase aku dah start mc tuh, aku mmg limit communication ngan orang (only selected few jek) sebab aku malas nak layan cakap2 orang.. Especially bila ade yg dok sebuk tanya pasal air selusuh la, kalau boleh jgn czer biar beranak normal, breastfeeding etc.."

Aku ade banyakkkkkk lagik masalah lain nak pikir okay..
Whatever it is, pada aku yg penting both baby and me sihat and selamat.,
Yg lain2 tu kita kawtim kemudian okay..

Back to my story..
Lepas tuh Leman follow baby ke NICU..
Aku plak still dalam OT untuk procedure buang fibroid (final ukuran mase Doctor kuarkan was 13 cm, and after hantar for testing, is non cancerous. Syukur alhamdulillah)

Aku duduk dalam OT lagik lebih kurang sejam sebelom setel everything..
Lepas siap tuh doctor Dev datang pelan2 kat area kepala aku..
Pehtu cakap pelan2..

"Ok Zarina. We're done. Everything is allright now" :)

Despite all my complications,  thank Allah for giving me Dr. Dev for my gynae.. He did a lot for both me and baby, since the day I found out I was pregnant. he really2 took good care of us.
 
It took me another 30 minutes dalam recovery bay..
Shivering like crazy.. Hehehe.. (expected jugak due to spinal effect)..

Lepas tuh aku pon balik ke ward..

Berbekal kan cathether utk kencing (nice.. not!) and 2 kantung untuk kuarkan darah kotor after operation buang fibroid tadik (note that normal c-sec procedure only have cathether ye. takde 2 lagik "souvenir" nih)..

Dengan arahan.. jangan bangun dari katil selagi doctor tak kata boleh bangun.. (biasa nya earliest is 24 hours)..

Selesai part melahirkan..

On 1440 hours, I gave birth to my beautiful (any mother will self proclaim this so you can just ignore me. hehehe) baby boy.. We name him Ibrahim Aydan. He weight 2.35 kilo at 35 weeks 3 days.

And it break my heart to million pieces that I am not able to hold him in my arms the day he was born.. as my little miracle need to be put in the incubator..

To be continue...